Noah's Reading Rainbow
by YoruLuvsU
Summary: Noah's bored with his new college, and Owen tells him to start his own YouTube channel with him reviewing books chosen by YOU, the viewer! And who knows, some very egoistic host might make a few additions to the channel... IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT INSIDE!
1. Intro

"Is this thing on?" Noah knocks his camera a bit before giving up and placing it on a nearby table.

"Hello fellow Youtubers, or otherwise known as people with even less of a life than I have. I'm Noah Ishtar, as you can guess. Yes, that guy who was used for comic relief on his last season. Well, now that _that_ horrifying experience is over, I'm now at Wawanakwa University, the most prestigious college in all of Canada. My roommate's off somewhere, and I just finished my homework, all my books, and the last level of Dwarf Fortress, my last game.

"Then Owen gave me an idea! Why don't I create an account for my nonexistent fans and people who want to know what a book is like without doing anything so hard and time-consuming as actually looking it up on the Internet. So, I'm proud to announce my new show: Noah's Reading Rainbow!" He creates an imaginary rainbow with his palms, much like Spongebob does in one of episodes. Not that he actually watches the show or anything.

"So, leave what you want me to read in the comments below and I might consider reviewing it for you. If I'm feeling nice and staring at the wall doesn't seem like a better idea. Who knows, I might actually like it? Though I doubt it.

"Now, I'm off to find my roommate. It's his turn to do the dishes and I'm getting hungry. So, goodbye Youtube."

He reaches over to turn off the camera, then appears to remember something.

"One thing: I am NOT going to read any books that might cause a drop in my I.Q. So that means none of those god-awful Twilight or Fifty Shades novels! I mean it!"


	2. The Hunger Games

**Noah Reviews: The Hunger Games **-3.5 votes

_ (someone voted for the "Hunget Games;" I'm assuming it's a misspelling)_

"Ah, the Hunger Games." Noah shoves the cover of the first book in front of the camera, nearly knocking it over. "This trilogy is just depressing, people. I mean, seriously, Katniss does all that work for her sister, and Prim dies anyway! Talk about ungrateful siblings. I would know, I've had nine of them.

"When I first started reading the Hunger Games, it kind of reminded me of Total Drama. I mean, if Chris became a dictator and got everything he wanted, this would be the kind of thing he'd do. Of course, I'd win, because while TD didn't offer me enough money for me to actually care, but my life is special. It's priceless. I'd probably have to read up on traps, though, because no way would I actually be able to lift a water bottle for too long, let alone a sword or something. And I'd probably keep away from everyone except Izzy and Eva if my castmates were there. Especially Duncan. He'd rule at that kind of blood-and-gore thing.

"Anyway, some of the people in this trilogy were RIDICULOUS (read: the Capitol citizens.) Whenever I read about Effie Trinket, I get a mental image of Tyler after Lindsay's makeover. NOT a pretty sight, I tell you. And thousands of people like that? That would be hell on Earth. What's wrong with just a good, plain, sweater-vest? Those never go out of fashion for braniacs.

"I make it through the first book. And then, in Catching Fire, guess what pops up? An effing_ love triangle_! Does every single story a female main character feature a love triangle? How about a love square or pentagon? Or how about we just get back to the blood and gore? Although I would much prefer a hunter than a baker so they could protect me if we got into trouble." He pauses a moment, realizing what he just said. "Not that I need that or anything! I'm just thinking like a normal teenage girl! Heh,heh-heh...okaymovingon."

"And then in the final book, we get the wonderful 'Peeta goes cuckoo and lots of people die, including Katniss's sister. I nearly started sniffling, except I was in AP Economics and I wasn't really supposed to be reading in there. Oh well, I know more than the teacher anyways."

"NOAH! I'M BAAAACK! AND MOM SENT ME SOME FOOD!"

"Oh, got to go, brainless followers. I'll see you later, hopefully with something less disturbing to read. Goodbye!"

* * *

** "Sir! We have news on one of the old contestants!**

** Chris sighed. "If Lindsay forgot about Tyler again I don't want to hear it! Or about Courtney's new lawsuit!"**

** "No sir! It's about Noah Istar! He started a Youtube channel!"**

** "WHAT?!"**

** "It's the truth, sir! Its all here! He's under the username of _NoahTheAmazingBookworm_!**

** "Well then, I'll just have to pay him a visit." Chris chuckled. "A very interesting visit..."**


	3. Harry Potter

**Noah Reviews: Harry Potter-2(!) votes**

The webcam starts up and shows Noah glaring at the camera

"So yesterday I was checking my account, and really? I appreciate my popularity, but can anyone choose the same book? I guess I'll just have to randomly choose one." He pulls out a spiral notebook, flips to a page, and shows the camera a list of books. "I'll just write down all the suggestions and choose one each episode." He closes his eyes and moving his finger around, points to a name. "The lucky winner is...

"EmmaTheHomicidalSquid, for Divergent! Congratulations, you just won an utterly pointless lottery! I'll review that next week and then choose a new book.

"Alright, continuing on. If anyone watching this has NOT read at least one book in the series, I would like you to stop, get off your computer, phone, or whatever, walk outside, find a bridge, and jump off it. You obviously have no benefit to society whatsoever. Offense intended.

"I started reading this at seven or eight, and got hooked. I generally read more intelligent books, such as _The Substantial Relations between Trigonometry and Calculus_, but one of my friends (yes, I have friends) suggested it to me. So, yeah, I became an addict. I had seven posters up in my room, like this one I kept up for sentimental reasons." He moves his head to the right a few inches to show the large poster of Harry playing Quidditch. "But really, there was one big reason I didn't like it too much: its not really very realistic. No way would a ginger have that many friends." He stops for a second and gapes. "Please don't let Izzy be watching this."

"Also, I think Rowlings decided she needed to kill more people after the Goblet of Fire. And of course she has to start with Cedric Diggory. And of course he has to return in another series as a sparkly vampire (if you dont know, look it up.) Then Sirius, then Dumbledore, then Mad-eye, then Hedwig. HEDWIG! What did the poor owl ever do to Rowling? Poop all over her furniture in a dream?

"I think Snape's death was the most cry-worthy, though. I mean, an unrequited love for Harry's mother? Though it did crack me up when I thought of what Harry would look like if they did hook up. And then, when I was on the last two hundred pages of the Deathly Hallows, the same douchebag friend told me, 'Hey, did you know Harry dies?' Wonderful! Luckily I still finished it, and while he was technically correct, it made me less likely to throw the aformentioned calculus book in his face.

"So this concludes yet another wonderful rev-

**"OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOH OHOHO!"**

Noah frowns. "What the fu-"

A creaking noise interrupts him. As the dorm starts shaking the cam nearly falls to the ground. It faces the ground for a few seconds before Noah rights, where a cylinder is seen appearing out of the ground. Chris and Chef are on the top of it.

"Sorry Noah, Chris's been watching the _Host Club_ again." Chris mutters.

"I see."

** *To Be Continued***


	4. A Short Break

**"Bookworm!" Chris shouts.**

"I have a name, you know."

"Right, what was it again? Neil? Norman?"

"It's Noah, Chris. He was on your show for three seasons," butts in Chef.

"He was? Oh well...anyway, you've broken our contract."

Noah frowns. "By what, having a Youtube channel?"

"Exactly!" Chris pulls out a copy of Noah's contract. "On the fifth paragraph of Section B-13, it states that you must have prior permission from the owners of Total Drama before you can 'attempt any activities, legal or nonlegal, involving the increase of fame, publicly or electronically, without including at least three cameos of the owner or host and twenty of other characters.'"

"Oh no, I disobeyed the contract! What are you going to do, arrest me? I can always mention the case with the guard dogs that you tried to hush up."

"No, but I **can** get you kicked out of college. Remember the Wawanakwa University Code of Conduct? I do!"

Noah sighs. "So what do you want?"

"I just said it! You have to cameo at least twenty of your castmates, or say good-bye to your college degree."

"But I hate most of them!"

"Not my problem. So tally-ho, off we go, Chef!"

Chef turns to Noah. "Sorry about the floor, we'll send someone in to deal with it. Now go find some guest stars, maggot!"

As soon he is certain they have left, Noah cries out "Life, why do you hate me so?" This is greeted by shouts from the dorm next door, as angry college students complain from the noise.


	5. Divergent

"Alright," Noah sighs as he turns on the camera, "Divergent. The next book to review."

"For those who haven't read this delightful book-it isn't yet as popular and widespread as the last two books-it's basically yet another post-apocalyptic novel. Never enough of those. Right, so everyone's in this large metropolis with five divisions. There's Abnegation, or the boring ones that never think of themselves. Bah, selflessness! Who could deal with them?! There's Candor, where everybody HAS to tell the truth. No secrets there. There's Dauntless, where everybody is super brave-"

"OOOH! OOOH! I like that one the most! Can I go there, Noah? Please? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?"

Noah yells over the loud pleas-ing. "Izzy, I told you to STAY QUIET!"

"But I would be PERFECT for there! I'm awesomely brave and daring! Would there be any bears? I beat up a bear once! He was all like 'RAAAGH' and I was all like 'RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG H' and then he was all 'raagh?' and i was all 'RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH' and then-"

"ENOUGH, IZZY!" Noah turned back to the camera. "Sorry, she was the only one I could find under such short notice. Stupid Chris and his stupid rules. Okay, continuing on. There's Amity, where everyone is happy and friendly and gross. The last one is Erudite, where you have to be smart,have a thirst for knowledge, etc."

"You'd be Erudite, wouldn't you, Noah? Since you're all smart?"

"Well, Erudite's the bad guy in the story, and takes over Dauntless with a mind control device."

"AAAAAH, MIND CONTROL! BAD NOAH! BAD!" Izzy takes a flying leap at Noah, knocking over the camera. Over the static Noah's yells and Izzy's screams are heard. A couple of minutes later, Noah, with several new scratches and a swelling eye, finally picks the camera back up.

"Sorry about that. Izzy's in the bathroom right now, so she might be a while. He points the camera to the bathroom door, where he has pushed a couch up against. Loud banging and muffled yelling comes from the door. "Luckily, I have the number of the mental hospital that she goes to, so I'll call them right after I'm done with you guys."

"So anyway, there's this Abnegation girl, Beatrice, who discovers she's Divergent, which means she can't really fit perfectly into one faction or another. Apparently that makes her dangerous, so this Dauntless lady tells her to keep it a secret. Long story short, she moves to Dauntless, has to be initiated, falls in love with her mentally unstable tutor, passes the initiation with top marks, makes friends, Erudite mind-controls the Dauntless so they can take over Abnegation, her parents die, she stops it, the end. Except that it's a trilogy.

"She does make friends at the Initiation, along with her sadistic boyfriend (named Four, cause he only has four fears.) However, one tries to kill her and then commits suicide, one she kills because he is mind-controlled and tries to kill her, and one is the second friend's girlfriend and probably hates her now. Three down, three to go. She probably won't have any friends by the time the third book comes.

"Anyway, Izzy's about to break down the door, so I need to go. Last thing, though. The next book I will review will be...

"Lord of the Rings, by bpevans! Congrats! Now goodbye, I just heard the door crack."


	6. Lord of the Rings

The webcam turns on to show Noah, looking even more unamused than usual, next to a red-haired, bespectacled, nerd wearing a home-made wizards cloak.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" yells Harold, jumping up.

Noah sighs. "Look, Harold, even though you're a lot less dangerous than Izzy, can you please stop trying to give me a heart attack with your poorly chosen quotes?"

"Well gosh!" Harold sat back down, looking offended, and continued to pick his nose.

"Alright, Lord of the Rings. Also known as one of the most best-selling trilogies of all time. The movies have been even more popular, although I don't like them as much as the books." Noah sits back, reminiscing. "I remember when I started the first book at 7, just a wee lad."

"A wee lad with a head the shape of a shoebox." Harold snorted.

"HUSH UP, NOSE-PICKER!" Noah obviously struggles to calm himself down, and turns back to the camera.

"Basically, there's a hobbit (kind of like a midget with hairy feet) that gets this ring which was once the property of Sauron's, the Dark Lord. He finds out that he needs to destroy it because the darkness is rising again and he needs to destroy it. Apparently he has to get rid of it by throwing it into this huge volcano, which is located not-so-conveniently near Sauron himself.

"So, long story short, he sets off with a bunch of people, and three other hobbits, and after really, REALLY, long adventures, he throws the ring into the fire, Sauron, is destroyed, blah blah, blah. And then he sets off on a long journey and leaves his 'servant' behind with his wife and kids, so they can get away from all the lovey-dovey yuck."

"Gosh, Noah, you totally missed the point. That's just the main story line. What about everything Gandalf did? What about Boromir and Faramir? Gollum? Just talking about Gandalf would take up the whole video!"

Noah gives him a stare. "But if I told them everything that happened, they probably wouldn't even read it."

"So? I never read the books, I just watched the mo-"

"WHAT?!"

"Well, they were just so long and boring, and I needed to update my FanFiction. So there's this reader, see, and they're just sitting and looking at this story called Noah's Re-"

"Get out."

"Huh?"

"This is called a_ Reading_ Rainbow for a reason, Harold. So get out!"

"Gosh, it follows the same plot line and everything, so why bother wasting my time? I'm a geek, not a bookworm."

Noah picks up the nearest book, which happens to be a textbook named "Psychology and Anger Management" and with some effort, chucks it at Harold. The geek dodges and runs out the door, with one last "Well, GOSH!"

Noah sits back down. "Now that he's gone, the next book I'll review will be...

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, by Cupcakes11. OK, obviously you all think I'm stupid. Now, good-bye, I have some studying to do."


	7. Charlie and The Choc Factory

Noah turns on his brand-new webcam (the old one was shattered, surprisingly,) looking a little happier than usual.

"Sorry for being off so lon- actually, no, I'm not sorry. You try taking all advanced courses with an accounting job on the side. Anyway, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is our next book. Here with me is the greatest candy expert of all time- OWEN!"

Owen waves, lying on a rather stained couch. "Hi guys! Miss me?"

"Of course they did, big boy. Now, if anyone doesn't know yet, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is about this poor little boy that lives with his family in a house that probably wouldn't pass any safety inspections. He conveniently lives near a supposedly closed chocolate factory that somehow gets out candy to the. Then, wonder of wonders, the factory sends out notice that the owner, Willy Wonka, would..."

"Heh, Willy." snorts Owen. Noah gives him a look. "Like wet willies! Oh...are you still mad at me about that time I-"

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT!"

Owen gulps. "Sorry, little buddy."

"Anyway, Wonka says that he will take in five lucky kiddies to his magical factory and give them a tour. Charlie gets chosen-obviously, otherwise the story would probably end rather quickly if he didn't. The other four are really little bastards. One's a fattie,- sorry Owen- one's a spoiled brat, one's a gum-chewing maniac, and one's a video game-aholic- sorry, me- that hates chocolate."

"Anyway, they go in, good stuff happens, the other four get abused, Charlie stays, etc."

"OOOOH, I wanna finish this one!"

"Fine, Owen."

"Wonka goes up to Charlie and says, you've passed my test. I will retire and you can take over my job. You can share the left-over chocolate with the most awesome person ever. 'Who?' asks Charlie. 'OWEN! The man who everyone loves and can beat up four bears at once! He and the most beautiful Izzy will-OW!"

"That's not how the story goes!" Noah says, but tries to hide a smile.

"Oh, really? I never actually read the book, because I kept trying to eat it. Those Gobstoppers sound delicious. I would definitely buy those."

"Owen, for the last time, we're not in an Ed, Edd, and Eddy fandom!"

"Oh. Really?"

"...Yes, really."

Noah stretches and tries to sit on the couch too. However, the couch collapses under him and Owen's combined weight.

"NOT AGAIN! That's the third couch this month! Plus, I think I broke my pelvis."

"...sorry!"

"Alright, anyway. The next book to review is...

The Percy Jackson series, by...a whole bunch of people! See you next time!...Owen, you're sitting on my foot."

"SORRY!"


	8. Another Short Break

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT BELOW!**

So, I have what is commonly known as "Writer's Block." This is a first for me as I never actually get to a point in my stories where I want to continue (Re: Three stories where I quit after less than four chapters.) So, I have come up with a little thing called "Write the Chapter Plot."

If you actually read this, or can actually read, and feel like doing this, and have no life, think up a small summary related to the Percy Jackson series and either put it in the reviews or PM me. Whichever one that makes me laugh/smile the most will be used, and you will have my eternal "respect." And a shout-out as well. Unless you have Katie or Sadie as your avatar, then GO AWAY!

Anyway, that's it. But to look like my announcement's even longer and more inportant, I am now going to drawl on and on and commercialize myself like a boss: Guess who made a Tumblr and Twitter! My Tumblr, ask-the-cynic, is, guess what, A NOAH BLOG! Didn't see that one coming, did you? Of course not. My Twitter, Yoruichi222, is probably something I'm never going to use, but you should go follow me anyway. You know you want to.

On to fandoms. I like Total Drama and all, but Gravity Falls looks like it's going to get really awesome. I love Dipper: he's like a little, white, less sarcastic version of my boy Noah. Mabel's okay, too, I guess. Grunkle Stan sucks (and stinks too.) And I loooooove My Little Pony. I know, I'm sorry.

Okay, This is boring me, I feel like I'm writing myself a really annoying e-mail. Goodbye Forever!


End file.
